Full Circle
by RoboFoxtrot
Summary: As far as Clay is concerned his life has just turned into a real life Soap Opera, but at least he has his brothers there to force a bit of love and family on him. Follow up to "Terrible Things" and :Ghosts of our Past"


Preface

**Full Circle**  
Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at /works/22618696.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Category: Gen Fandom: SEAL Team (TV) Character: Clay Spenser, Jason Hayes, Sonny Quinn, Trent Sawyer, Brock Reynolds, Ray Perry, Ash Spenser Additional Tags: Team as Family, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jason acts like Clay is his adopted child, Bonding Series: Part 3 of My Life's a Soap Stats: Published: 2020-02-08 Chapters: 1/? Words: 3760 Full Circle

by RoboFoxtrot

Summary

As far as Clay is concerned his life has just turned into a real life Soap Opera, but at least he has his brothers there to force a bit of love and family on him.

Notes

This is a follow up to "Terrible Things" and "Ghosts of the Past", hopefully it'll meet y'all's expectations. ❤❤❤

Full Circle

"You know for a long time I hated Adam?" Clay looked down at the beer in his hands, condensation dripping down the side. He could feel Jason staring at him with worry. "Took me a long time to realise he saved me, gave me the chance to become the man I am today. I never thanked him for that."

Resting his forehead against the rim of the bottle Clay took a shuddering breath in. His emotions were all over the place but mainly he felt guilty. Guilty he never thanked Adam for taking a stand against his father when no one else would. Guilty he slowed them down and got Adam killed. Guilty he got to come home when someone so much better didn't. He thought meeting everyone for drinks at the bar would help but he couldn't seem to clear his thoughts. So much had happened in the last few days he wasn't quite sure how to wrap his head around it.

"Whatever it is he did, I'm sure the last thing he wanted was a thank you. He never did anything for the praise, only for the cause, and at that time the cause was saving you." Jason slapped Clay on the shoulder, taking a drink from his own beer. "He was proud of you Clay, don't beat yourself up about it. I'm sure he knew you were thankful anyway, he was good like that."

Jason had been watching Clay closely ever since the team had returned from the mission where Adam had died, it was obvious guilt was consuming him. He was no stranger to feeling guilty over the loss of a brother. Your mind would keep you awake all night, running through every scenario you could think of, every way you might have messed up, every way you could have done something different to save your teammates life. He wasn't going to let Clay go down that path any further.

"Mind reader Adam," Clay shivered. "Worst part of green team." Jason held in his sigh of relief when Clay gave him a small smile, maybe this would be a little easier than he thought. It had been days since he'd seen a smile on the rookie's face.

"Yeah, always knew what you were thinking, could get a bit creepy at times." Jason looked over at the rest of the team pretending to be focused on a game of darts, they visibly relaxed when Clay started to laugh. "He always used to tell me you need to pay attention to the little details to really know what someone is thinking, never take them at face value."

Clay winced slightly, "Yeah, that mentality probably came from Ash. They used to be good friends apparently until the whole 'incident' occurred."

Frowning Jason asked, "What incident?" Clay sat there, refusing to meet his eyes for a minute or two, just starting at the line of liquor bottles on the shelf in front of him.

"I went to see Victoria shortly after the funeral, felt I needed to offer my condolences and at least thank her for what Adam did for me." Clay said, changing the subject slightly. He didn't want to talk about specifics of that night, or by specifics he meant what little he could actually remember. Thankfully Jason didn't seem like he was going to push the issue.

"We talked for awhile and I asked her about some stuff that has been mixed up in my head. How things went down when I got sent to Liberia." Clay continued, trying to breathe evenly and calm the loud thrumming of his heart.

The thought of admitting what happened during his childhood was nerve racking. Ash hadn't been abusive the entire time Clay had been in his custody, and it had ended almost as quickly as it began. He didn't want pity over something he'd come to terms with a long time ago. Sure he still got that gross uncomfortable pit in his stomach when he thought about it. At this point though, with the insight he'd received into his mom from Victoria, that was the least of his problems.

Within the span of a week it felt like his entire life had been upended. His entire image of his mother had been ripped to shreds and ground into nothing. Now he had to admit what happened to his boss, and the team. Clay would be stupid to think they weren't eavesdropping on his and Jason's conversation. It warmed his heart a little to know they cared.

Jason tried to secretly wave the rest of the team away when they tried to approach. The last thing he wanted was Clay getting spooked and clamming up. He was so close to finally getting some answers about Clay's childhood, something the rookie had refused to talk about the entire time they'd known him. By the look on the blonde's face he was already feeling on edge.

"Ash wasn't always such a bad parent, he had a few good years." Clay started. "I remember that much on my own, and I remember when that changed. Didn't really know why at the time but Victoria said it might have something to do with my mother. Or that's what he told Adam once."

Sonny visibly winced over in the corner at the mere mention of Clay's mother. Oh yeah, that woman was a real piece of work. It had taken a lot of talking from Ray and Trent to calm Jason down enough not to go out, find that woman, and let her know exactly what he thought. God forbid Clay ever run across her. Which, although small, was still a possibility since she appeared to live in the area.

"Apparently she had a big problem with prescription pills or something. Had a stent in rehab before she got pregnant with me then apparently couldn't deal with the responsibilities of raising a child and started using again." Clay pursed his lips in irritation. Well, that was a new emotion when it came to talking about his mother.

Jason wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. Normally when anyone started talking about his mom, he either changed the subject entirely or praised her. He really wondered what Victoria could have told him to have such a drastic change.

"Not really how I remember her but then again the last time I lived with her I was around five or so, maybe six." Clay ordered a shot, quickly ordering another and downing that one as quickly as the first. Jason should probably stop him but hey, they were finally getting somewhere. If drinking made it easier to talk about this Jason wasn't going to be the one to stop him.

"Anyway," Clay continued, waving his hand. "Ash couldn't deal either. Victoria said that they never learned to mature or handle anything responsibly, aside from Ash being a Seal."

Jason casually slid another shot of whiskey towards the kid, purposely ignoring the glare Trent sent him. He'd bring Clay home tonight and let him mother him to death, it would probably be good for both of them. Clay because this night was looking to be full of heavy drinking and Jason honestly wasn't the best at dealing with drunk teammates other than laying them on a couch. Emma because it would help take her mind off losing her mother, if only for a bit. She'd become slightly obsessed with making sure everyone on Bravo was healthy and well taken care of, especially Clay. They acted like actual siblings, it was really pretty sweet. Not that Jason would ever say that out loud.

"Speaking of my mother," Clay said, suddenly sitting up straight, an irritated look on his face. "When were you guys planning on telling me she was still alive." Jason drew in a sharp breath, wincing slightly at the accusatory glare Clay was giving him. "Yeah, I know you guys have known for awhile."

"How long?" Jason asked quietly. He racked his brain for any sudden change in behavior that might indicate when it happened, except nothing came to mind other than Adam's death. Jesus, the kid just couldn't catch a break.

"Since the funeral. She showed up." Clay bit his lip harshly, struggling to find the words. " I couldn't believe it at first. There she was, just standing next to my car like it wasn't any big deal."

That had stung, the blatant disregard for how shocking it would be for him to see her. The devastation he had felt when he realised that she had willing faked her own death to her child and parents. Apparently his father had known the entire time, had helped her with the promise that they would never have contact again.

Clay would rather be tortured than admit he cried almost the entire time, not loud sobbing but quiet silent tears that he hadn't been able to stop. Couldn't really live that down, better to pretend it hadn't bothered him that much.

"We ended up talking at a nearby diner for an hour or so. When I asked why she did it, faked her own death, she told me that she needed to 'set herself free'. Apparently I was too 'triggering' to be in contact with. Her words, not mine." Clay licked his lips, still feeling parched despite having a drink in his hands.

"Anyway," Clay continued, willing himself to finish. "most of the time was spent with her telling me how awful her life had been with my dad, that I wouldn't understand because I got out."

Clay didn't seem too bothered. Jason started wondering if the kid was in shock or had even fully comprehend what happened. He looked over at Ray for some sort of help, only to find him looking just as confused. The entire team had predicted the kid would have a break down if he ever discovered what his mother had done, apparently they were wrong.

"That's another reason I went to see Victoria, needed some answers. I needed to know if her life really was that bad, if Victoria would even know. Because as far as I'm concerned that is NOT the mother I knew." Clay stated it with such passion and bitterness it took Jason by surprise.

"What's different?" Jason asked, carefully avoiding asking about how that made Clay feel, they'd get to that later. He could see the kid was starting to struggle with his emotions as did the rest of the team, prompting them to slowly ease as close to Clay as possible.

The small smile he gave them let them know it was ok, much to their relief. It had been hard keeping their distance, especially since they could see just how much pain Clay was in. They each silently vowed to make sure Sharon Spencer, or whatever name she was going by now, paid for hurting Clay like this. It was sickening to think a person, let alone a mother, could do this to someone and show no regard for their well-being.

"Everything. When I think back as a child, she was just my loving mother, someone who cared for me as well as she could with my father being gone a lot." Clay sighed. "I remember she used to sleep a lot, guess the pills explain that. And I know she didn't stop Ash but she always took care of me later, gave me a treat to make me feel better or sang a song." Downing the last of his beer Clay swiped Sonny's as the Texan sat down next to him, unsurprisingly he let him do it.

"The woman I met that a few days ago was bitter and resentful, she sat there the entire time explaining how much she had sacrificed for me. How difficult it was for her." Clay grimaced at the memory. "It was weird because after a while I couldn't help but feel sorry for her. She just goes through life blaming everyone else for her own problems."

The more Clay talked the angrier he became. He resented his mother for doing this, for ruining his memory of her with no regard for how he felt. "I don't even know why she felt the need to tell me all that, why she even talked to me in the first place. Maybe she was just looking for validation for her actions, she did seem pretty desperate for me to agree with her."

"Sounds like the woman I met," Sonny chimes in, yelping when Brock punches him in the arm. "What it's true, all she could talk about was me, me, me."

"That's not the mother from my memories though." Clay snapped at Sonny. He couldn't help but feel defensive even though he knew he shouldn't be, not after everything that had happened. "She's just someone who looks like her, as far as I'm concerned my mother died when I was ten."

"So why did you go see Victoria to get the answers you needed?" Ray asked, trying to steer the conversation back to that.

"Because she's Adam's wife. He would have told her what happened that night." Clay said. Finishing Sonny's beer off he stood up, searching around in his pockets for his phone. He needed to get out of here, it felt like the walls were closing in around him. "I'm done talking now."

"Woah, hold on you can't just stop half way through!" Sonny yelled. "What night?" He tugged Clay back by the shoulder.

No way in hell was he letting the little brat bail right now. Sonny needed to know what Ash had done. Did he use physical violence against his child, emotional violence, both? What happened 'that night'?

"Yes I can! I only told y'all I saw my mother because I was feeling emotional and I knew Jason would get mad if I kept it a secret." Clay snarled, trying to tug free of Sonny's grasp like a caged animal.

Trent was quick to try and remedy the situation, "We don't have to talk about that anymore, we can all just play some pool or something." He gave everyone, especially Sonny, a hard look. Daring them to try and argue.

Brock quickly chimed in, "Yeah, you don't have to leave. Plus someone has to drive you home, you've had too much to drink."

Clay thought about it for a minute, carefully examining everyone's face. He still felt suffocated even though they promised to change the subject. Honestly he Couldn't see Sonny dropping it for long, he needed to get out of here. "Fine, but I'm going to the head first and then were playing darts, I'm tired of pool."

Sonny slapped Clay on the back joyously, "Then hurry up, so I can show you who's the real boss."

"Psh, you wish," Brock laughed.

They continued to playfully argue until Clay disappeared into the bathroom before getting serious. Each of them contemplated how Clay had acted when he was talking to them, unsure of whether he was actually going to be ok or not.

Ray turned to Jason and asked, "You think he meant what he said about just feeling sorry for his mom?"

Jason bit his bottom lip in consideration, "He seemed to be pretty sincere but with Clay you never really know until it's too late."

"We'll need to keep a close eye on him," Trent said. He shot Jason a glare "And maybe we don't get him shit faced as a way to keep him taking."

"Don't judge me, we know next to nothing about his childhood," Jason snapped back. "Now at least we know something, we know what we need to focus on figuring out."

"Yeah and he should tell us on his own, not because you gave him alcohol when he was feeling down!" Trent yelled getting in Jason's face. He really wasn't that mad at Jason but he'd been furious just listening to Clay talk about his mother. Jason just happened to be the closest thing to take his anger out on, and he still had a good point anyway.

"We can't help him if we don't know what's bothering him!" Jason was close to punching Trent at this point, anger boiling near the edge.

Ray and Brock, seeing how close their teammates were to coming to blow, quickly stepped in separating the two. It wouldn't be good for anyone if their medic and boss got into a bar fight. Least of all Clay, who might think it was because of him. Rule of the night- don't chase Clay away.

"Woah, calm down. I know emotions are high but we can't be fighting amongst ourselves and we definitely can't be fighting when Clay comes back." Ray said, ever the voice of reason.

Sonny frowned as he looked over at the restrooms, "He should be back by now speaking of, should one of us go get him? Knowing bambi he's likely to have fallen and broken his head open."

"Might be puking," Trent snarked, taking another jab at Jason.

Jason scowled at him, "Oh please, I've seen that kid drink way more and still be fine. But go ahead and check on him if you're so worried." The asshole was going to be running until he dropped. How do you like them apples, Trent?

"Fine," Trent replied. Maybe separating himself from Jason would give him time to cool down. Do not punch your boss, Trent. Your wife will murder you, you know she will.

Walking over to the restroom, Trent knocked on the door lightly. "Clay! You ok in there?" He knocked again, louder this time when he didn't get a response. "Clay! Answer me damn it!"

Jiggling the door handle, Trent was surprised to see that it was unlocked. He slowly opened the door, flicking on the light and looked around, expecting to see Clay sprawled on the ground. Knowing Clay, Sonny's earlier prediction might be right, the kid always managed to find a way to injure himself. Surprisingly though, the bathroom was completely empty. "What the hell?" Trent whispered to himself.

Exiting the bathroom and quickly made his way back over to Bravo, Trent told them about their run away rookie. "He wasn't there. Someone call him or something."

Sonny let out a groan of frustration, slipping his phone back into his pocket, "No need, little shit just sent me a text saying he got an uber home, said he wanted to be alone for a while."

"Maybe if we weren't busy making sure Trent and Jason didn't hit each other, we would have noticed him sneaking out," Brock snapped.

The normally quiet Seal was overwhelmingly pissed at the moment, they had messed up their first chance show Clay it was ok to talk to them. He'd probably seen them fighting amongst themselves and decided to bail. This is exactly what he didn't want to happen.

Sonny nodded his head, agreeing with Brock, cause the entire group to start arguing loudly, slowly getting more irate with each other until Ray whistled loudly.

He fixed them all with a piercing glare, "Can we please act like adults? He probably went home because he was tired and worn out. It wasn't easy for him to admit any of that, he's probably embarrassed and more than a little hurt."

The group looked moderately chastised but they were clearly still pissed at each other if the death glares were anything to go by. Ray wanted to smack the lot of them but that wouldn't help anything. At least they weren't screaming at each other anymore. He was pretty sure they were one small step from being kicked out of the bar altogether anyways.

"Let's just take a breather, go home and relax. We have plenty of time before our next spin up to figure out if Clay's actually alright and how to help him if he isn't." Ray offered, hoping everyone would agree. They were too worked up to have a decent discussion, and a little too drunk if he was being honest.

Thankfully, everyone agreed, quickly separating and heading to their respective vehicles until only Ray and Jason remained. The cold night air made Jason shiver as he approached Ray, who was leaning against his vehicle. He could see that Ray was clearly worried about Clay sneaking off behind their backs. Everyone was, it's why they'd been at each others throats. The kid brought out the protective side in them.

"I'm going to go get him, bring him to my place. He shouldn't be alone right now, I don't care how much he tries to say he's fine. No one is fine after finding out their mother faked her own death." Ray barked out before Jason had a chance to say anything.

"And a complete shitbag," Jason added, running his hand through his hair in frustration. "I was already planning on doing the same thing." Jesus, tonight had felt like it had lasted hours when in reality it had only been an hour or so since they'd all gathered at the bar.

"Let me do it, you've got enough on your plate right now," Ray offered.

Jason snorted, "Doesn't mean I can't take care of my men." He was perfectly capable of being there for his family and his adoptive family. Wait, if Bravo is his adoptive family then did that make Clay his adoptive son? Surprisingly the thought didn't bother Jason.

Hands held up in surrender, Ray calmly replied, "That's not what I'm saying, why don't we go just go over there together. You can help me get him into the car, lord knows he's going to throw a fit."

Contemplating the offer for a moment Jason finally concedes, maybe it would be better for Ray to bring the kid home for the night. He promised Emma he'd take her to see some college tomorrow anyway. "Fine, I'll meet you over there, better call and tell Naima though. She might rip your head off otherwise, showing up late at night with a drunk Clay."

Quickly dodging the swipe Ray throws at him and laughing, Jason jogs over to his vehicle. He gives Ray a small wave as he pulls out, heading to give Clay a shock. If that little brat thinks he can sneak out, with only a text saying where he went, and have to face no consequences? Well the kid had another thing coming. Little did Jason know, him and Ray weren't the only ones with the very same idea.

Afterword

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